One day shortly after I had a mastectomy, I was talking with friends about how swimming was helping the range of motion in my arm which had been compromised by the surgery incision. All of a sudden and with great sincerity a women said to me “how do you swim with only one breast”? Knowing full well what she meant I chose to tease her by responding with “Well, I just swim with the one that is left”. What she was really asking was; how do you fill out the other side of your bathing suit with a missing breast? It was/is a really great question and one that is not easily answerable. You see, if one has had a mastectomy and has chosen to wear prosthesis, then one is faced with several new challenges.

For example, the “everyday” prosthesis that I bought cost $300.00 and is not pool friendly. Evidently, the pool chemicals would destroy the “breast”. So, it cost another $100.00 to buy a pool friendly “breast”. That would have been irritating enough but I am here to tell that that sucker must weigh 10 lbs not to mention how weird it looks when I am floating on my back. As nature takes its course with my very-own-god-given-still-attached breast, which only s-e-e-m-e-s to disappear when I am lazily floating on my back, the hard shinning new chemically friendly 10 pound boob sticks straight up for all the world to see. To say that I looked lopsided, while floating on my back, would be a kind understatement. Consequently, I am endeavoring to learn the unique art of face down floating. While I am in training for that feat, I thought that I would share a much simpler solution with those of you who understand the implicit ironies of this situation.

There is a product called Water Push Up Pads which cost approximately $5.56 for a package of two and can be purchased at local stores such at K-Mart or Wal-Mart. They come in sizes A-B or B-C. Not a problem if they are not large enough for you, simply turn one A-B or B-C facing up and one facing down then stitch them together and viola you have a “no-breast” bobble or boobble (Boob + Bobble) that is inexpensive, lasts a long time, is chemical friendly (or at least they do not readily fall apart), may be purchased in any city should you forget yours while away from home and/or buy several at this price.

These inserts look much more natural in a swim suite than does the expensive, not readily available, strange looking ten pounder. See, I keep telling you, it’s not the mastectomy that is problematic; it’s the lack of “no breast bobbles” and information thereof. Oh yes, and please do not attempt the floating face down exercise, it scares the life guards.